Gone to the Wolves by John Wray

Author:John Wray
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux

* * *

Late that night he opened his eyes onto the familiar half dark of his room to find her sitting up beside him. When she spoke his name he realized that she’d been saying it over and over, running her fingers along his forearm, gently coaxing him awake.

“I came so close to fucking this up, Kip. I did fuck it up. I need you to forgive me.”

He found himself smiling. “I’m pretty sure we’re past all that.”

“I’ve figured out when I fell for you. The exact place and time.” She took his hand and kissed it. “Do you want to know when?”

He said that he did.

“You probably think it was when you roundhoused Crews at the Palace, or when you pulled some other macho horseshit, or maybe just now, when we—” She hesitated. “When we did what we did. But that’s not when it was.”

He was wide-awake now. “When was it?”

“No guesses?”

“That night at the Fountain?”

“I don’t think it counts if you’re tripping your balls off, Norvald. We were both in love with everything that night.”

“I’m hoping this isn’t some kind of trick question.”

She shook her head.

“Tell me.”

“We were sitting onstage at that roller rink in Sarasota, the Stardust, listening to Cannibal Corpse. You had your bony teenage ass on the boards and your back against somebody’s cabinet—the bass player’s, I think. You were so fucking gone. Like a religious conversion. Nothing else existed for you then. Not even me.”

She paused there a moment and stared into space. He watched her remembering.

“You’d only been growing your hair out for a few months, so it was sticking up every which way, especially in back. Just this preppy-looking kid in some awful pastel polo shirt with his eyes rolling back in his head. You looked strung out on something. I was so full of envy. I just wanted to grab that stupid hair of yours and pull.” She laughed to herself. “But you were beautiful sitting there with your arms around your knees. There was light coming off of you, I swear. You were glowing. I spent that whole set just watching, staring at you staring at the band, and you never once noticed. You were lost to the world. It came to me right then, in a voice I could actually hear. I’m in love with this boy.”

“Then why didn’t you—”

“I’ve been lying here, like this, for I don’t know how long—an hour maybe.” She took in a breath. “I’ve been thinking about that night and how hard it hit me. The fucking awe you felt listening to the music, those five goons in sweatpants—I’ve never believed in anything half as much. It scared me, if you want to know the truth. I felt like a ghost, watching you. I felt like I’d just found out that I’d died.”

He tried to speak but she stopped him. “None of that matters now. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

“Of course not.”

“I’ve been trying so hard, ever since we came out here, to make up some new person to be—something that would at least feel halfway real.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.